


Rainy Days

by KO5



Category: Women's Soccer RPF
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-09-04
Updated: 2015-09-04
Packaged: 2018-04-18 23:24:06
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 4,967
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4724126
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/KO5/pseuds/KO5
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Has it ever occurred to you that saying hello is risking a goodbye?</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Hello

**Author's Note:**

> A two-shot based off of the most recent NWSL match between Sky Blue FC and Seattle Reign at Memorial Stadium, Seattle on 8.29.15.

Rain drops obscured her view of the outside world.

 

But Kelley knew exactly where she was. 10,000 feet below her was the city of Seattle.

 

10,000 feet below her was the woman who she so recklessly gave her heart to.

 

They would be landing soon. The match was on Saturday, giving them two days of preparation. A total of three days in Seattle. Three opportunities to see each other. Three chances.

 

All she wanted to do was say hello.

 

Quickly approaching the airport, Kelley half expected her to be there. She wanted more than anything for her to be there. For her to be waiting at the bottom of an escalator with a “Welcome to Seattle” sign.

 

Well, rewind.

 

She’d be the one standing in the corner with her hood up, attracting the least attention possible. _Kelley_ would be the one with the dorky handcrafted sign, wildly waving it so the whole world could see. So the whole world would know that they belonged to each other. Kelley had always been proud of what they shared together.

 

But the moment Kelley stepped off the huge, claustrophobic metal can, she was brought back to reality.

 

Her tall, dorky keeper wasn’t there. Why did she even think she would be? She wasn’t supposed to be there anyways. She never was.

 

Kelley felt a rush of emotions surge throughout her body.

 

She felt like crying.

 

But she didn’t.

 

-

 

She woke up the next morning and decided to go for a walk. Putting her hood up and braving the light drizzle, Kelley walked block after block. Getting turned around here and there, she finally ended up at her destination.

 

A coffee shop.

 

 _Her_ favorite coffee shop.

 

The last time she visited the city, they would always end up at this particular shop after their morning runs together. It had always been part of her morning routine to run and get coffee, and Kelley quickly learned to do the same. When she returned to New Jersey, she wouldn’t go a day without a post morning run cup of coffee.

 

Kelley had stopped doing that, ever since they had stopped talking. But here she was. Standing in front of a local coffee shop in Seattle, wishing more than anything that another body was next to her. She missed her.

 

So she walked in and ordered an Americano.

 

A certain someone’sfavorite drink.

 

-

 

After her walk, she hopped into the team van that took them to Memorial Stadium, the home of the Seattle Reign. _Her_ team.

 

Kelley was walking on her ground. Holy ground.

 

Their practice had gone well. They weren’t in the playoffs, but they were more than ready to work hard and gain a win. After practice, Kelley wandered the stadium grounds, quickly finding herself in the home locker room- their opponent’s locker room. Luckily no one was inside. She’d get in big trouble if she was caught.

 

But she really wouldn’t mind being caught. It would be worth it.

 

Kelley left the locker room, only to run into the “Goalkeeping Supply Room” down the hall. Her heart skipped a beat.

 

Maybe she was in there. She hoped she was in there.

 

Slowly opening the door, Kelley held her breath. But she quickly released it. No one was in there.

 

She should’ve been there though. She could always be found picking out her gloves the day before games. It was her routine. It was what she liked to do.

 

Maybe Kelley didn’t know her as well as she thought anymore.

 

Hearing footsteps walk down the adjacent hallway, Kelley froze in place. Maybe it was her. If she stayed, she might get the chance to see her.

 

But she panicked. And she left.

 

-

 

Later that afternoon, the team decided to explore the city. They walked through Pike Place Market, and Kelley secretly hoped she would run into her. It was a long shot, but hey, this was her city. Kelley was quiet, hardly partaking in her team’s pictures and antics. She was too busy concentrating on observing all the faces in the market. Every person she passed, she took inventory. But as every person passed, she slowly gave up.

 

The team invited her out to a bar after dinner, but Kelley declined. She finds herself walking the streets of Seattle once again.

 

She had given up too early that afternoon. They deserved another chance.

 

She somehow managed to discover a lookout point over the water. Towards the 520 bridge, the bridge that just so conveniently separated Kelley from the city of Kirkland- from her.

 

She was just on the other side of that bridge. So close, and yet so far away.

 

Kelley shivered. It was cold and she was alone. She never hated a city so much.

 

-

 

She found her way back to the hotel within the hour. She climbed into bed and stared at her phone, waiting for something.

 

A text. A call. Anything.

 

But nothing came.

 

She laid in bed, staring straight up at the ceiling. She was wide awake, probably not the best thing knowing she had a match the following day. But she couldn’t help but think about her. That’s all she ever did lately.

 

And part of Kelley hoped that maybe, just maybe, in the next city over, she was thinking about her too. 

 

-

 

Warming up used to be easy. They were on different teams, but they’d always catch each other smiling at one another from across the field. Sometimes, they’d even joke around. But now, Kelley found herself pacing back and forth on the field, anxiously awaiting the arrival of the Reign players.

 

Completely missing a pass from her teammate, Kelley suddenly looked up and immediately locked eyes with the goalkeeper who had just set foot on the field.

 

They held their gaze for no more than three seconds, but in those three precious moments, Kelley felt all the emotions of their relationship playing over and over again like a movie in her head. They had instantly connected during the Olympics and explored the means of their relationship for months after, but things had changed by the time the World Cup rolled around. There was a lot of unanswered business regarding how they ended things- well, how _she_ ended things.

 

Kelley felt lost. She used to be a pro at reading the older woman’s thoughts, but now, it was a blank stare. And suddenly, Kelley realized how complex everything was.

 

How things were never going to be as simple as they were in London. How things were never going to be easy when they visited each other’s cities for NWSL games. No more joking. No more smiling. No more “Hey, let’s make the most out of our weekend together.”

 

Kelley felt tears arise, but she quickly pushed them down.

 

She hated what they had become.

 

-

 

 

At the sixth minute, her team scores on a free kick.

 

Proud of how strong they had started this match, Kelley ran to her teammate, jumping in celebration. She displays her biggest smile to hide her depression within. She does her best to be with her teammates, to be in the moment.

 

But she can’t help herself.

 

She finds herself looking over her shoulder towards the goal. The expression on her face was pure frustration and devastation. She was beating herself up about missing such a crucial save, and all Kelley wanted to do was run over and give her shoulder a squeeze, perhaps even a hug. She just wanted her to know that she was still the best goalkeeper in the world in her eyes. Kelley knew that the tall athletic woman, for some reason, wasn’t giving it her all, that she wasn’t playing her best.

 

But neither was Kelley.

 

How could you give your heart to the game when it belonged to someone else, especially when that someone else was no more than ten yards away?

 

-

 

The tension throughout the game only becomes more apparent by the minute. They’re playing more aggressively. The crowd is frustrated. It begins to rain.

 

No one was really sure why so much pressure was present on the field. Christie and Megan had a slight idea, knowing their teammates’ coarse and trying past, but they thought that the pair had figured out their business, that they could compartmentalize their thoughts and separate the game from their personal life.

 

But they were wrong.

 

Kelley’s heart was racing. She had gotten way too close during the first half, almost making a shot on goal. She swore she would never do that again. The second half, she tried to remain in high spirits since her team was actually winning and had the potential to beat Seattle Reign- at their home stadium for crying out loud.

 

They had the potential to break their home wins record.

 

But Kelley prayed that would not happen. It would destroy the goalkeeper, and to be honest, there was already too much destruction in her life.

 

So Kelley gained a foul on herself.

 

Never in her life did she expect her personal issues to interfere with her career. This wasn’t like her. But yet again, never in her life did she expect to fall head over heels for the goalkeeper on the current opposing team.

 

Kelley hated that she didn’t know herself anymore, nor what she wanted.

 

She felt like crying once again. And she almost did. Because who would notice her crying in the rain anyways?

 

But she still didn’t.

 

- 

 

They draw. 

 

Kelley silently thanked the heavens. This was probably the best outcome for them. A draw. Truthfully, Kelley wouldn’t have known what to do if the Reign lost- if they lost their record. Kelley couldn’t bear to see the older woman broken- even if she was the root of all her problems.

 

Kelley realized that it was now or never. She searched through a sea of orange and blue, and amidst all the rain, her eyes locked down on what she was looking for: the deep purple jersey. She promised herself not to lose sight, and followed her towards the referees. Kelley cringed as she noticed that the goalkeeper was limping and grimacing in pain. She didn’t have a good game. Everyone knew that.

 

Kelley would’ve given anything to do more than just shake hands with her. She wanted to make sure that she was actually alright. That it was okay to rest sometimes, and that she needed to save herself for the Olympics. A tournament that they both knew too well.

 

Kelley was no more than a foot away from her now, and felt herself reach out. She didn’t think that the woman in purple would even notice.

 

But she did. She must’ve seen her out of her peripheral vision- she must’ve been _waiting_ for her to come.

 

Their two hands met each other halfway. And then Kelley swore she felt a squeeze. It was small, but it was there.

 

Time had to move forward, and Kelley felt herself walking behind the goalkeeper, barely brushing her as she went by. She realized that gripping hands wasn’t going to cut it, and that she craved more. Kelley hid herself in the tunnel, patiently awaiting the NWSL shield ceremony to wrap up.

 

As she watched from afar, Kelley couldn’t help but smile. Despite almost losing their record, the keeper was bouncing up and down with her team.

 

Kelley was proud of her. She’d always be.

 

Before she knew it, the purple jersey began to make its way towards the tunnel. There was no turning back now. Her walking had come to her stop, and her blue eyes pierced Kelley’s heart and soul. Kelley’s stomach flipped and she caught her breath.

 

“I had a feeling you’d be waiting.”

 

Kelley was speechless, but her goofy smile spoke a thousand words.

 

“I need to head in for a post-match meeting and grab my things from the locker room before heading back out to the field. Could you wait that long?”

 

“Always.”

 

Kelley had been waiting for this encounter for what seemed like the longest time. It wouldn’t hurt to wait any longer.

 

Maybe tonight they would rekindle. Maybe they could fix things. Maybe there was a chance.

 

For the first time since stepping into Seattle, Kelley felt like she belonged.

 

She was happy.

 

She was hopeful.

 

-

 

It was still raining. And Kelley was still alone.

 

Two hours had passed and there was no sign of the tall goalkeeper. Out in the middle of the field, Kelley was soaked and she cursed herself for falling into a trap. She was stupid to think that she would actually come back for her.

 

She had left her three years ago.

 

She wasn’t ever coming back.

 

Kelley lost all faith in herself, in her, and almost in humanity itself. She was truly embarrassed. This was a rookie mistake, and there was not an ounce of dignity left in her.

 

She wanted to cry.

 

And so she did.  

 

-

 

She was more than ready to head back home. She couldn’t take being in Seattle anymore. The rainy days were too much. She was drowning.

 

Kelley eagerly waited for takeoff, shuffling her music on her phone…until it cut out. She looked down at her phone and registered the name that appeared on her home screen.

 

“Hope Solo.”

 

She slowly took out her ear buds and just stared at the device in her hands. Her thumb hovered over the answer button, but she stopped herself.

 

She didn’t answer.

 

Eventually the phone stopped ringing and she felt herself regretting not picking up the call. She suddenly got a crazy idea and unbuckled her seatbelt, ready to get off the plane. To make matters even more convenient, the Captain announced a small delay in departure due to addressing an issue with who appeared to be a late passenger outside the gate.

 

Kelley knew this was her chance to get up and leave.

 

Yet, something stops her. This was all too familiar. Feelings of déjà vu arose- she hoped that the woman who just called would be on the other side of the aircraft door…just like when she first arrived just three days ago. She hoped that she would be there.

 

But Kelley was smarter. She knew that her goalkeeper wouldn’t be waiting for her on the other side. She was one step ahead of the game this time around.

 

So she kept her seatbelt on, turned the music up a little louder, and hoped that it could drown her thoughts- the thoughts that were responsible for drowning herself.

 

But she couldn't get rid of such thoughts. Sitting on that plane was too familiar to her. She thought about the older woman and how so much has changed, and how there was some truth in the conversation that had ended everything. Hope Solo was right. Saying hello would only end in a goodbye.

 

Maybe things were better off this way.

 

Maybe it was a blessing that she didn’t say hello.

 

Just because she couldn’t have risked another goodbye.


	2. Goodbye

With a cup of coffee in hand, Hope watched the rain fall from her living room couch. Knowing Seattle, the rain would probably carry over through the weekend and during their match.

 

Their match against Sky Blue FC.

 

Hope’s eyes drifted toward the gray skies, sort of hoping to catch a glimpse of a plane or two.

 

Because somewhere up in those skies was a young defender who irresponsibly gave her all to Hope.

 

Hope knew it was a bad idea from the very beginning. She should’ve never led her on. She should’ve never allow her to think that this “fling” between them would last past London.

 

Hope didn’t do commitment.

 

Sure, she had Jerramy. But their marriage was far from commitment. It wasn’t that they weren’t happy; they were just neutral. They had known each other since college and thought why not live together as companions? No strings attached. No kids, no grand family events, no commitment. To Hope, Jerramy wasn’t just a companion though. He served as reassurance for her decision to choose a future without a certain hazel green eyed woman.

 

She didn’t do the whole “Can’t wait to see you again” or the “What time does your flight come in? I’ll pick you up.” No one could be worse at relationships than her. Hope didn’t think she deserved to be happy, simply because she couldn’t, but she knew for a fact that _she_ , the freckled face goofball she loved so dearly, deserved more. No matter how selfish Hope wanted to be and keep her around, she just had to let go.

 

Hope had a hard time acknowledging their relationship. She couldn’t scream it to the world, although inside, she was falling head over heels. If things had panned out differently, maybe they’d still be together.

 

Maybe, at this very moment, she’d be picking up the love of her life at the airport.

 

But she wasn’t.

 

-

 

Hope started her morning routine with a run, just like every other day. She ran for a couple miles until she reached her favorite coffee shop.

 

She loved this place. Not just because it brewed some of their best coffee around, but because it was full of happy memories.

 

Memories of her.

 

Whenever she would visit Seattle, they’d always end up at this coffee shop early in the morning. Hope could remember countless times she sat across from the vibrant younger woman as she told some story of her dad’s domesticated squirrel, Chester. Her stories were ridiculous, childish, and completely absurd.

 

But Hope loved it.

 

Hope loved her.

 

There was just something about her that made her feel young and alive. Her personality rubbed off on her and there were days that Hope really thought she deserved this happy ending.

 

But being Hope, her dark and twisty past and feelings caught up to her.

 

Although she might have let go of the best thing that’s ever happened to her, at least she had this little coffee shop full of memories to hang on to.

 

Hope looked at her watch and grimaced at the time, wanting to sit down and thoroughly enjoy her cup of coffee. Usually she’d be there all morning, but today, she needed to run a few errands before practice.

 

So she ordered an Americano to go.

 

-

 

She drove into the parking lot of Memorial Stadium with twenty minutes to spare before practice. She had gotten their early to choose her gloves for game day, but also to give herself a chance to run into woman she was so recklessly in love with.

 

Hope walked around the field, but no one was there. They had given Sky Blue the field for practice that morning, but they must’ve finished early. She walked past the guest locker room and though she heard voices, she figured it wasn’t the best place or time to run into _her._

But she needed to see her.

 

Realizing she was supposed to be out on the field for practice in five minutes, she rushed towards the “Goalkeeping Supply Room” just down the hall.

 

She looked up and swore she saw someone leave the room and turn the corner.

 

She also swore that person was about 5’5, with Under Armour cleats. 

 

But maybe her eyes were playing tricks on her.

 

Maybe it was her wishful thinking.

 

-

 

That night, she was supposed to have dinner with Jerramy in the city. They were going to go to their favorite Italian restaurant, one they had loved during their college days. But Jerramy’s work got in the way, and Hope found herself microwaving leftovers from the night before.

 

She was slightly disappointed.

 

Sky Blue was probably wandering downtown, and that gave Hope the perfect opportunity to run into her. As every hour passed, Hope wanted to talk to her more and more. She just needed to know if she was doing okay. She was probably more than okay. She probably moved on, just like Hope had appeared to move on.

 

Hope loved her city. She loved Seattle.

 

But at this moment, she loved Seattle because a special someone was in town.

 

So close, and yet so far away.

 

-

 

Hope climbed into bed early and while she tried finishing up the novel she was reading, she couldn’t seem to concentrate.

 

She grabbed her phone and for a split second, she thought she was actually going to call her. She wondered what she was up to, probably out with her team or whatnot. Would she come running if she called?

 

Hope decided not to risk it. She would see her at the game the next day, and for now, basking in her thoughts and memories was good enough.

 

She would never let anyone know this, but Hope thought about the younger woman often.

 

Every single night.

 

-

 

Hope was about to step on the field for warmups. She took a deep breath.

 

This was her chance. This was her moment. Their moment.

 

As soon as she stepped foot on the field, Hope’s eyes immediately found the young defender. She silently watched her pass the ball back and forth, thanking her lucky stars that she wasn’t quite aware of her presence.

 

But of course that didn’t last long.

 

The young defender (well forward for Sky Blue) happened to look up in her direction and they locked eyes. As they made eye contact, Hope fell hard. Everything about the younger woman was perfect.

 

But Hope noticed that the spark in her eyes was gone.

 

Before, Hope’s presence could make her whole face light up. But now, she looked like a little puppy, so lost and so broken.

 

And Hope was responsible for that.

 

She felt her guard stand up strong in defense. Hope missed her, but no way in hell was she going to let her read her like an open book.

 

Things were complex.

 

Hope wished it were simple, she really did. She wished they could go back to London and stop time there forever. But the past was the past. What’s done is done.

 

She hated herself for allowing them to become what they had become.   

 

-

 

At the sixth minute, a slippery soccer ball had found its way to the back of her net.

 

She had missed the save. A ball that she should’ve been able to save, and that she has many times before. But this time was different.

 

She was facing Sky Blue FC. _Her_ team.

 

Hope mentally kicked herself for missing such a ball and cursed her knee that was giving her pain. She had problems with her knee since the World Cup, but she didn’t want to let Seattle Reign down. They deserved the championship.

 

Hope brushed off the wet grass from her jersey and looked down the field, doing her very best to display her stoic game face and ignore the young forward celebrating with her teammates.

 

Next time, she’d save that ball.

 

-

 

Hope felt the tension surge through her body. Games were supposed to be her therapy. They helped her get loose. But tonight, she was as stiff as a stick. Aggression and frustration were apparent on both the field and in the stands, and it was clear that her mind was not on the game. Megan knew that her focus wasn’t on the field, but rather on a certain player, and often shot scolding looks at Hope.

 

But Hope didn’t care.

 

There was no way her heart could survive another time that the young forward closed up on her goal. When she’d get a mere three yards away from the box.

 

If she had it her way, she’d stop the game. She really didn’t care about their home record. Well she did, but not as much as she cared about one of the players on the field.

 

Hope brushed off her thoughts, reprimanding herself for even thinking about giving up the championship for her personal issues. Who was she nowadays?

 

- 

 

They draw. 

 

Hope sighed in relief. They maintained their record, but also allowed Sky Blue to feel like they had played the best game of their season.

 

She was proud of the kid. She’d always be proud of her.

 

Hope left her goal, keeping inventory on the other team’s whereabouts. Despite the searing pain in her knee, she found herself pushing through the crowd of celebration, and made her way toward the referees. Maybe if she distanced herself from everyone else, her freckled face defender would notice.

 

She so desperately hoped she would notice.

 

And thank god she did.

 

Hope’s heart raced faster and faster until she felt it skip beats. According to her peripheral vision, the shorter woman was approaching her.

 

Then they made contact.

 

Hope felt an all too familiar hand in her own, and without thinking- as almost by habit- she squeezed her hand. She hoped that the younger woman understood what she meant by that squeeze.

 

She wanted to let her know that she missed her. That she wanted to apologize for all the pain and heartbreak she had put her though.

 

Hope was distracted by the NWSL shield ceremony and did her best to hold her head up high for her team. They were off to the playoffs and her life couldn’t have been better.

 

Except for it was missing something- well, rather someone.

 

As the ceremony ended, Hope headed for the locker room. She was about halfway down the field when she realized something.

 

She’d be waiting for her.

 

She just had to be. That’s what she always did after games in London. She’d wait so that they could walk and talk together. Just the two of them.

 

Hope gained butterflies in her stomach. As she approached the tunnel, her suspicions were confirmed.

 

There was a small shadow.

 

She was there.

 

Hope felt herself come to a stop.

 

“I had a feeling you’d be waiting.”

 

The younger defender smiled back with her infamous grin that Hope had missed the most. Hope felt giddy and hopeful all at once, and she did everything she could to refrain from pulling her in.

 

“I need to head in for a post-match meeting and grab my things from the locker room before heading back out to the field. Could you wait that long?”

 

Then she finally answered.

 

“Always.”

 

And with that one word, Hope was crushed. She hated herself for the control she had over this younger woman. No matter how much she’d hurt her, she’d always be there for her. Hope wished that they had never fallen in love so that there was not even the slightest of chances for the precious young woman to be hurt.

 

But she felt herself being selfish again. Maybe they could talk things out. Maybe there was a future for them.

 

She was hopeful.

 

-

 

Three hours later, Hope ran back onto the field. It was almost midnight, but she had come back. She kicked herself for losing track of time. Their post-match meeting had gone longer than expected and then her manager needed to discuss a lengthy amount of things with her. She should’ve said no to her manager and that they could talk the next day, but she could never bring herself to do it.

 

And it cost her a lot.

 

As expected, the field was empty. She had left.

 

Just like Hope left those three years ago.   

 

And although it took all this time, she had come back.

 

Hope pulled out her phone and cursed, realizing it was dead. She’d just have to call the next morning.

 

-

 

Hope had slept in. She didn’t end up getting home until almost 1 AM. She looked at the clock and prayed that she had not already left town, that they didn’t have an early morning flight. She quickly hopped into her car and began driving down the 405 freeway towards Sea-Tac airport. If anything, at least she could try and catch her before she boarded the plane.

 

Arriving at the airport, Hope ran in with her phone in hand. She explained her situation to the airlines counter and they granted her a visitor pass to get her through security. As she made her way to the gates headed towards New Jersey, she scrolled through her contacts.

 

“Kelley O’Hara.”

 

Hope took a moment to catch her breath from running around, and to anxiously await for a voice to pick up on the other end.

 

But the phone rung and rung.

 

There was no answer.

 

Hope eventually reached the gate and began to explain to the workers at the counter that this was her last chance.

 

Her last chance to save them.

 

But somehow, through all the chaos, communication was lost and the airlines assumed she was a late passenger. Hope didn’t care what they thought, as long as they delayed the flight.

 

At one point, she thought they were going to open the gates for her. But by the look of the airlines worker, they had already closed the airplane doors.

 

She was too late.

 

Hope’s heart dropped to its normal rate as she sat down in defeat. She looked outside the window and watched the plane start to take off.

 

She found comfort in thinking that at least she tried.

 

_But did she really though?_

That question hovered over her like a cloud on a rainy day. She should’ve tried harder. She could’ve saved them. It didn’t have to be like this. She had thought that it would get easier, that things would get better. She was the one to tell Kelley that going cold turkey and cutting off all communication would be the best. That saying hello was just risking another goodbye. But sitting alone on an airport chair, Hope regretted all of those things.

 

Maybe things weren’t better off this way.

 

Maybe she should’ve risked the goodbye.

 

Just so she could say hello.

 


End file.
